and my glasses flew across the room. I could tell my lip was
bleeding as the liquid warmth slipped down my chin. The pain
rang through my head like a gun blast. It was all happening in
slow motion. Would he kill me? Could he kill me?
Betrayal was going to look very different from here on."
No more important diagram has ever been given to me than the ones in this article. As you're aware, I am a survivor from an abusive relationship. Well, actually from several. The important part is that I made it out alive. One of the reasons I have broken the cycle of abuse is because of diagrams like these. My mentor, Roann, has therefore been instrumental in my escape and continued growth toward a modicum of wisdom on relationships.
We all hope and some pray we find the perfect mate and we devote an awful lot of time, energy and attention to the task. Some, for no apparent reason at all, manage to find the perfect match, and some even manage to find their soulmate. Ah, what a wonderful thing. However, I was not quite so lucky. In fact, I survived nine abusers over the years, each one with their very own brand of torment from kidnapping, rape and stalking to emotional, physical and mental abuse so I guess I can call myself a bit of an expert in this department. I've seen them all.
Looking back all I really wanted to do was to complete "the picture" that I was shown as a child: 2.3 kids, 2 car garage, white picket fence...etc, you know, just like good old mom and dad. And it was easy to overlook some of the flaws of my suitors because "not everyone is perfect." After a great deal of anguish, sadness, fear and pain, I finally put my foot down and said, "No more." I became a student of human dynamics for the next eleven years. This diagram, had I seen it in the very beginning, had I been given the "recipe" for the perfect relationship, my story would have read very differently. The 3rd Energy has become my new picture...
Here you see two circles representing two individuals. They are equal and separate, and then they come together. The dynamics of their relationship will depend entirely on how they "VALUE" each other. When there is balance in a relationship, both people offer strength, help, support, encouragement and anything else their partner might need, and they offer it without obligation of any kind. This diagram is a representation of this idea.
In some relationships when one person dominates over the other, this is a perfect picture of what is happening. This picture shows the imbalance. This kind of relationship can be hurtful, demeaning, devaluing, fearful and/or painful as the dominant partner powers-over the other in many different ways. There is no 3rd Energy or soft place to fall...only fear, self-doubt, sorrow, frustration and eventually resentment where love used to be.
My husband of six years broke his promise that night. I knew I could never trust him again. And I also knew that if I left him, I'd loose everything. There would be no job, no home, no income, no car and certainly no money if I left. It was a huge decision. I was very grateful the kids were grown and gone and I was making this decision for only me.
Today, I'm glad I made the decision to get out because it was all a fantasy anyway. And fantasies always end sooner or later. I lost everything, it's true. But what I gained could never be valued through money or fame or things. What happened as a result of leaving would become the cost of my healing and it was well worth the time and effort. I am now more whole than I've ever been in my life, and I'm at a place where peace is starting to surround me more and more. I can finally smile again...and mean it.
Please...don't let it be too late to change your destiny. If you are in an abusive relationship, please come back and read this blog. I promise I will continue to give you tools that will help you survive too. Make comments on what I'm writing, ask questions, talk to me...especially if you have no one else you can trust. I will help you...just as someone else helped me.
No comments:
Post a Comment