Relationship Mechanix

Humans are social which means we're predisposed to want to connect with others. By ourselves, life doesn't get that complicated, but as soon as you start adding relationships to the mix, the landscape changes exponentially...that's a big word for "becomes very complex the more friends you add."

That being said, we're usually looking for just one perfect relationship; someone to witness our passage through this life, someone to cuddle on cold winter nights, someone to love, honour and cherish. Friends are great, but when the lights go out or the plane takes off, it's important to have a partner you trust to hang on to. And herein lies the greatest of challenges in life. How does one find that "perfect relationship"? What are the ingredients, the pitfalls, the red flags or the telltale signs of a good or bad relationship? Do you know?

Well, I do. After many years and much trial, error and study, I made it my mission to understand the signs, and now I can share them with you. The very most important trait anyone wants in any relationship is to be valued. I know you can easily imagine what it is like to be in a relationship where you are "not" valued, where someone pushes and pulls, upsets and manipulates, cons and argues, belittles and devalues and makes you feel unsure of yourself...and so, I rest my case. And, both people need to value each other, as human beings, as imperfect, as man/woman, as someone who is at a certain place in their journey. To not be valued is the most common reason we begin to feel frustrated and eventually resentful. Very few, if any, return from resentment in a relatioship. Once resentment sets in, especially on a regular basis, it's over.

Allowing each other to be in their own life, just as they are, is a sure sign of two people who value each other. People who manipulate, coerce and otherwise force issues to get their own way are not people who value anyone. These people will eventually destroy either you or surely the relationshp. No amount of "miracle" from you will correct someone who hasn't learned how to value someone else.

"To be valued, and to value, is the foundation of every relationship...and everything
else is in response to this."

Good intentions can be confusing as well. Sometimes we "intend" on being respectful of others but we can easily miss the mark. The telltale sign that this is a bad thing is when we more often offend than make a simple mistake. In other words, someone who seems to have good intentions but more often than not misses the mark, is someone who has their own agenda and it has nothing to do with valuing anyone. When someone truly has "good intentions" they will show up in everything that person does or says. Those who only "talk" about good intentions, and always make mistakes, has another agenda altogether.

Having an agenda has more to do with feeding their need to power-over others in order to feel powerful in their own life. Caution: these people will often play victim when confronted on their "intentions". They will say things like, "but I would never want to hurt you," or "I can't believe you think I meant to hurt you." Follow your gut instincts - not the con. If they truly mean to "not hurt you" then they won't hurt you. The more they hurt you, the more they are telling on themselves that they will continue to hurt you.

Stay in touch...I have much more...